It's all an illusion

You know what? I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. I'm sitting here in my room thinking back on all the good times E. and I have had together, and now that it's all over, I just don't care about anything anymore. It's so fucked up that someone who has been the most important part of your life for such a long time just suddenly disappears and leaves you with nothing.

Nothing. That's the only word to describe how I'm feeling right now. Maybe 'empty' is another good example. I thought I was the luckiest guy on the planet to have such a fantastic boyfriend who I loved with all my heart, and I seriously believed that this time it would be for real and that we would stay together. What a goddamned fool am I to believe in such a stupid fantasy. Of course it had to end, it always does doesn't it? No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you do everything you can to make it work, it never does.

I may sound bitter right now, but this is simply how I'm feeling because of experience. This has been the third time I actually really loved someone, and it has ended again. Makes me wonder: why bother? Why start off with someone when you basically expect it to end every moment, leaving you in a deep depression. Wouldn't I be better off just not getting involved with anyone anymore? It sure as hell would save me a lot of grief.