No sex and the city

There's something about me watching Sex and the City being a bit like a junkie taking another last shot of smack. I know it's bad for me, but I still do it several times per week. As most of you will probably know, Sex and the City is my all time favourite tv series, but basically it has two different effects on me:

1) When I'm feeling fine (read: when I've got a boyfriend), I watch it to relish myself in other people's problems so that I can feel all smogged and happy about how well everything in my own life is going. This is the 'I pretend to feel sorry for you but really want to shove it up your face that I'm happy' mood.

2) When I'm feeling bad (read: after a break up) I watch it to feel sorry for myself, and I'm particularly good at depressing myself and taking everything out on me. These are the times I'm watching it with a shitload of cigarettes (and usually wine, but not tonight, cause I'm having my picture taken for a magazine tomorrow) just sobbing a bit on my couch.

Knowing how everything went for me these past couple of months, obviously right now I'm in fase two. The bad thing is, I've got the entire series on DVD, so there's no limit in drowning myself in sorrow. Tonight was no exception. I've watched two episodes already and I'm preparing myself for a third one, though I know upfront it's a bad idea. It's especially no good for me to watch it just before I go to sleep, cause ever since Emiel left me I'm not such a good sleeper anyway, and this keeps me up even longer, you know, thoughts crawling through your head of how things could have been if none of all the fucked up mess ever happened.

Question is: should I quit? One part of me says yes big time, but then again, maybe it's good, up to a certain limit, to drown yourself in a bit of sorrow. Better doing this, than boring all my friends every day with sad stories of my pathetic love life. I've been known to being able to go on on a broken relationship for quite some time, so this is the most accepted way of dealing with it, comfortably in my own home, without bothering anyone.

So this got me thinking: how long will it take this time? I remember that after Roel and I broke up, it took me horrendously long, and I so not want to go through that again, but as it happens, I'm not having a lot of faith in getting out of it easier this time. The episode I just watched was all about a theory that every person has two great loves in their life, so when you consider I've had Roel and Emiel, does this mean I'm passed my two loves? Of course, I know it's fiction, but there is something to it, and I'm sometimes scared that it might actually be the truth, resulting in me being out of luck big time from now one.

I think I just go and watch some more episodes before I go to sleep. Maybe there are some happy storylines coming up (well, I don't think so actually, cause I'm watching Season 5, and the real good endings don't come until Season 6), but at least it will be a nice and safe way for me to feel a bit more sorry for myself.