A very bad dream

Another bad day. I'm so trying not to think about my ex boyfriend, but I just can't help myself. It doesn't help that I've had such a long stressful day at work as well. Being tired gives you even more of a reason to feel incredibly sad, which is exactly how I'm feeling right now.

Also, I'm afraid. I'm so scared that this may take me such a long time to get over. After my former boyfriend R. dumped me, it took me such an incredible long time to get over him. Even now I still can't just talk normal to him. Giving the fact that I've loved (and still love) E. more than I ever loved R., I'm so patrified that it will be even harder this time.

Especially because this time it seems so illogical that it's all over. I didn't see it coming at all, and just got bombed by the news that I was no longer E.'s boyfriend. I didn't have any time to adjust to the idea of things getting harder, because I didn't see any signs. It was just over, and that was that.

Am I so stupid that I didn't see any signs, or was this really something I couldn't see coming? I don't know, but I do know that I feel as if my life has just fallen completely apart. I wish I could skip those goddamned fucked up holiday season coming up, cause I could not feel any further from festivity. I just wish I could turn back the clock and undo all this mess, like it was all just a very bad dream.