All in the past

I'm at home right now and I think I'm more insightful to myself than I've ever been. I realise so much right now how I've been such a goddamn fool for so long. I have been an asshole thinking to myself that me and Emiel (yes, I realise this is the first time I ever mention his real name on my site, but frankly, I don't give a fuck) would ever get back together again. I realise now don't ever WANT us to get back together again. It's over, it's done, it's been ancient history.

Really, I'm through with it. I don't exactly know why, since I haven't talked to him today, but it's just fine with me, I don't want to take it anymore, I don't want to be with him anymore, I just don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. I'm just so over it. I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself, feeling hurt over a guy who obviously cannot even take care of himself, much less take care of me or even just be undrstanding of me. Why in the hell should I feel even remotely sorry for how he's feeling? So what if he feels like shit, it's just not my problem anymore.

So, even though this post may sound very angry, I'm actually not. I'm just through with it. I'm not angry, sad, desperate or anything. I'm just through. Through, and too tired to actually have an opinion on all of this. Let's just look back on all of this as a good time I've shared with someone who has been very important to me, but let's face it: it's all in the past.